They Called Him Pastor. I Called Him Dad. – Part One

My parents, Verle and Lucille Ackerman, had a life of ministry that stretched from the beginning of the BBFI over 60 years – turning hearts to the Lord, loving missionaries, committed to family, and serving the Body of Christ. 

At the age of ten, Dad’s family dramatically changed when they attended a tent revival, and his father, Sterling, was gloriously saved – my dad followed his father down the dirt aisle. Then the family began worshipping in a nearby church, and Verle met the pastor’s daughter, Lucille Bowers. As teenagers, they grew in the Lord and a few years later got engaged to be married.

Then one evening, the engaged couple separately surrendered to ministry, unaware that the other was present. When they realized they were both at the altar, their careers, and future drastically turned. God used a country boy and a pastor’s daughter for ministry opportunities beyond their dreams, and the thread of God’s sovereignty in their lives continued for over ninety years.

They served in music ministry under John Rawlings, Wendell Zimmerman, and Al Janney before accepting the pastorate at First Baptist Church in West Hollywood, Florida. During those years, Dad served the BBFI as Treasurer and then President and was a pioneer in the Christian School movement. 

After retirement, Dad still actively served the Lord while providing loving care to my mom, who was in declining health. He approached each task with the same energy and dedication he did as a pastor, and life was well-in-hand.

Then the unexpected happened. At the age of 80, he was diagnosed with Huntington’s Disease (HD), a movement disorder inherited from his mother. The disease usually strikes in the early forties with a life expectancy of 12-15 years, so the family and physicians were shocked. Now, the caregiver needed care, and they both would become dependents. 

It became my privilege to care for two of God’s faithful servants. But first, I had to face my own emotions. Huntington’s Disease was more than Dad’s diagnosis, it was hereditary (50/50), and I needed to internalize the possibility for myself. But I can tell you that God brought a gentle peace over us both so we could move forward.

As an adult, I attended biblical seminars on parenting, finances, marriage, and many other family-related topics. I was prepared for everything, or so I thought. I was comfortable with heaven and life after death, yet uncomfortable with the stage of life before death. A friend said, “I’m not concerned about dying, just gettin’ dead.” And to tell you the truth, most people, even believers, push this inevitability to the back of their minds.

I’m not concerned about dying, just gettin’ dead. Click To Tweet

So, why are we so unfamiliar with it? How many people around us are in various stages of caring for a loved one – thrust into this significant responsibility unprepared? It’s no longer in the back of their mind because their spouse or parents are right in front of them.

For me, there was no time for classes now. It was on-the-job training. Now was the time to come together – my husband Clayton, I, and my parents. This required heartfelt conversations to determine their wishes and how we could assist.

• Their primary wish was to continue living in their home until the last possible minute. 
• Their immediate need was for me to manage the medications and engage with their healthcare providers. 
• They also wanted our oversight of finances, legal documents, and authorizations to maintain their security. 

That was a good starting place. I thought, “How hard can it be, right?” I had a degree from BBC and a career in Christian Education, and Clayton was a healthcare executive. Of course, we could do this! But – it was a challenge.

Why? Because their wishes were easier than the everyday reality. But we learned…. together. Clayton and I, mom and dad. We focused on keeping the main thing, the main thing – living each day to the fullest.

In Part Two of this article, I will share lessons I learned on providing the quality care that your parents deserve and balancing your own life in the process. I will also share from our experience how to manage family dynamics, begin effective planning, and how to start a conversation with your parents or adult children.

Through this final phase of life, Dad’s faith enhanced and changed our lives forever. He showed us how to live in faith for over 90 years, but our greatest blessing was watching a man of God demonstrate how to die in faith.

Click here to read Part Two of They Called Him Pastor. I Called Him Dad. 

Click here to watch the video “The Life of Dr. Verle Ackerman.” 

Click below to purchase Catherine Fitzhugh’s book, Walk with Me: Caring, Living, and Planning Well for Aging Parents.