When I was first called into ministry, I did not give much thought to the place I would serve. Whether it was a big city or small town, I didn’t care. What I didn’t realize was the vast difference between the cultures of urban or rural.
I grew up in a suburb of Houston. My small suburb’s population was 115,000. I thought this was small because it was nowhere near as big as Houston. Then I went to Baptist Bible College in Springfield. I realized there was a big difference between where I grew up and Springfield. After graduation, I went to a town of about 10,000 in Indiana. From there, I ministered at a church in Hobbs, New Mexico, which had a population of 28,000. While in Hobbs, both of our children were born. While they were still young, we moved back to Houston where I currently pastor. I began life in a large city, then ministered in two small towns before I came back to a large city. One thing I realized is how different family life is between the two.
The biggest challenge for our family is the pace of life. Our kids play basketball, baseball, football, band, volleyball, softball and soccer. It seems we are always going to a practice or performance. And it’s not just us. Everyone around us is running all the time. When you are not running, you are sitting in traffic. Being a pastor and dad has so many challenges. Between Mission Conferences, fellowship meetings, and daily work at the Church, life is always busy. But I cannot let that change the effort I put into being a dad. I have told every pastor that I have worked for that my first priority is my family. If I ever feel that I am losing my family, I will resign in a heartbeat. I have always thought, what will it profit if I gain my whole city and lose my own family? I think a major problem in America is the disintegration of the family. It might also be the problem of many pastors and staff. We spend so much time ministering to other families that we forget our own.
One of the ways we try and maintain our family is by taking vacations. Honestly, it is hard for me to get away sometimes. My wife recently reminded me we only have a few more years with our kids in the home. I only have so much time to invest in them. The interesting thing is what the kids remember and enjoy from our vacations. Last year we took them on a ski trip. We went tubing one day and skiing two days. At the end of each day, we would play board games. This year when we talked about what we should do for our vacation, they brought up wanting to bring board games and play them each night. We had gone tubing and skiing, which they loved, but they remembered the board games we played each night. I realized it was more about the time than the event. We need to give our kids the time they need. Time is valuable to them.
Another principle about family that we try and live by is the core of the family is husband and wife. If parents don’t love each other, then it will show. My wife and I try to spend time together without the kids. We go on trips together and send the kids to their grandparents. The grandparents love spending time with grandkids and we strengthen our marriage. As I mentioned earlier, one day the kids will be gone and if we have neglected our marriage, our family will fall apart. I think the best way to help our kids is to model a great relationship with our spouse.
As a pastor, dad, and husband in a big city, I cannot get distracted with all there is to do. I, like everyone else, must make my family the priority. Life in the big city is fast paced, but family is forever.
As a pastor, dad, and husband in a big city, I cannot get distracted with all there is to do. I, like everyone else, must make my family the priority. Click To Tweet
